By: Abigail Handojo
Promise Me You'll Live
Chapter 5: "All My Fault"
Lily’s POV
Amy has been acting strange.
Sometimes her mother calls for her. She says she’ll “be right back” but she doesn’t return for hours. And when she does, she looks defeated. Now we’re only allowed to have pillow fights on the weekends. Now she turns on the TV if we talk too loud. Now she’s not herself.
She is away half the day, but I know she’ll still be busy studying for finals when she comes home. None of her classmates ever come over and I’m starting to think I’m her only friend. But who knows? She doesn’t explain and I don’t want to push.
We’re close, but are we close enough to address the elephant in the room?
Until she’s done with school, I’m left to sort out my unfinished business.
If I’m stuck in the living world, it’s because I’m not done with my life, right? Who determines if I’ve finished it? How do I fulfill it if I don’t have it anymore?
Is there an ability I need to unlock? Do I just need to be at peace?
I meditate for a moment, clearing my mind and calming my muscles.
All my fault.
Okay, yeah it’s not that.
Maybe it’s something I need to get. What did I long for the most in my life?
I didn’t want to think about all I’ve lost, but I need to if I want to pass on. So I force myself to imagine it: The photo booths and gift shops. The rollercoasters and funnel cake. There wasn’t anything my parents didn’t pay for if I earned it. Nothing they denied me if I asked. I didn’t want anything more from my life… just for it not to change. But then it did and it’s-
All my fault.
No, I drift towards Amy’s desk and leaf through her notebook. It’ll help if I stick to what we already know.
“Day 2 since Lily appeared. Page 1 of journaling what we know. Log number 1, information on her unfinished business”
“Lily cannot leave our room. She tried to pass through the open door, but there was an invisible force wedged in between. She tried to phase through the walls or window, but the air became thicker and she couldn't cut through. Speculations: Unfinished business may involve the house or early childhood. Additionally, Lily is only visible and audible to me. Any sounds or movements she makes are unseen by my parents and neighbors. Speculations: Unfinished business involves me.”
Amy’s loopy handwriting comes to an abrupt stop at the bottom of page 1. The rest of the pages are about my abilities or limits. I only have one page to work with.
I feel lost again. I miss my parents. I wonder where they are or if they’ve crossed over already. Are they waiting for me? Does it matter? What if they don’t want me anymore?
All my fault.
If only I kept my eyes on them and not the rides, maybe they’d still be alive.
All my fault.
If they didn’t spend hours trying to find me, maybe it wouldn’t have been too late to drive home. Maybe then they would have survived. But they didn’t.
They didn’t. They didn’t. They didn’t.
And it’s all my fault.
The door slams open and Amy bursts through, “Hey Lily! I’m back. Today was a menace-”
As soon as Amy enters, sunlight floods the room. It washes over me and I notice just how transparent I’ve become. My hands are practically gone when I look down at them. The notebook page caught in my hand stands seemingly on its own. It’s like I don’t exist.
“You okay?”
As soon as Amy takes a step closer, my hands reappear. They’re still not entirely solid, but at least they’re back to being visible. Color returns and my thoughts tuck themselves away.
What if… what if Amy is my unfinished business?
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